I'm going to say this once and for all. I hate being a Cubs fan. It is by far the most stressful, depressing, happiest, disappointing experience of my life. It's like a drug laced roller coaster ride. The highs are high and the lows are low. It is 100 times more stressful than planning my wedding, which has been a breeze compared to my relationship with the Cubbies.
Let me try to put this into perspective for everyone else. Being a Cubs fan is like dating a smoking hot chick that's a solid 9 in the looks department. Everything about her, physically, is perfect....cute face, great body, and a wardrobe that leaves little to the imagination. Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous but the sex, oh the sex is unreal. We're talking some too hot for TV, even late-night Skinemax, breaking headboards sex. The drawback is she constantly cheats on you and you know it, your friends know it, hell everyone knows it. In fact, she's even cheated on you with some of your friends. You're the laughingstock of the neighborhood. People openly belittle you, even right to your face. But, you keep her around because you know you'll never be able to match what she has to offer. That, my friends, is what it feels like to be a Cubs fan.
So here are my picks, but please remember I'm an emotional wreck right now. Proceed with caution.
ALDS - Red Sox over Angels
ALDS - Indians over Yankees
ALCS - Indians over Red Sox
NLDS - Cubs over Diamondbacks
NLDS - Rockies over Phillies
NLCS - Cubs over Rockies
World Series - Cubs over Indians - and the world will implode
There, I officially jinxed the Cubs and now they'll get swept in the first round. I'm sure Cubs fans will end up getting screwed anyways....but at least it will be the best screw of our lives.....or something.....
The People's Champs
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